I suppose one of the many reasons God gave me THREE girls is because he knows how grossed out I get over little things. I am not a dirt digging, worm catching, WWF type of Mom. I am a germaphobe. I can't stand touching my own sweat, public doors, public handles...etc. I will drop kick a mother freakin public restroom door like I've been trained by Jackie Chan before I dare touch it to open. I gag easily and gross smells make my mouth water like Niagara Falls (not in a good way) forcing a rip roaring sound through my vocal chords so loud it sounds like a walrus giving birth. It's horrible. I have a weak stomach and I try hard to stay away from rancid smells, insects and anything disgusting.
My husband, on the other hand, isn't bothered by many smells. Posh is so outnumbered I give him a pass on occasion to joke about farting, burping and boogers with our girls. It usually starts with him asking one of the girls to pull his finger... flagellating stank into the air so thick, it takes a full can of febreeze to kill the stinch. Our girls laugh until their bellies hurt and their eyes cross. It's gross, we all do it, but in this house I'm apparently the only one that has a problem with it. Our girls have gotten rather comfortable with crop-dusting and burping aloud. I remind them that burping loudly is okay at home, but it's not okay when we are in public or have guest over.... because we were not raised in a barn.
When it comes to booger eating, well, that's a completely disgusting conversation to have. Once I see fingers halfway up my girls’ noses and then that same finger enters their mouth... I've got some issues. I try to keep an open line of communication with them so they don't have to hide things from me -although I wouldn't mind if they hid booger eating. Lately, I've seen booger eating take over as though they were preparing for dinner with amuse-bouche. I assume they think it's a rare delicacy by the way they examine it before eating and have a sense of palatable satisfaction once consumed. After many awkward moments of turning my head pretending not to see the booger action take place, I decided to address the elephant in the room...or house, depending on where the booger was ingested. The "oh shit act like you didn't see that" started catching up with my gut and I could no longer watch this episode of "WTF are they eating" from my own children - so I decided to sit the girls down and discuss this issue. The conversation went something like this....
Me: Hey girls, lets talk about booger eating really quick
Girls: Okay
Hubby: The crunchier, the better
Me: OMG...that's not what I was going to say
Hubby: It's so gross, girls, but I used to eat my crunchy boogers as a little boy. I loved them.
Girls start chuckling with their hands covering their mouths
Me: (gagging)
Before I could get serious with them, my husband turned it into a total joke and all seriousness flew out the window. The giggles of my girls and crunching sounds coming out of my husband’s mouth just about threw me over the edge. Once my inner walrus settled and the thoughts of what my husband just said left my mind, I was able to get my point across. I told the girls... Yes, I remember eating boogers as a little girl. I think most of us do. We are curious creatures but it's not a healthy habit to form because there are so many germs in those green disgusting things. I went to bed with a sense of accomplishment that night, hoping that my germie booger conversation had sunk in a bit. Regardless, I am grateful that I can slowly open that door of communication with them... even if Posh killed the seriousness with laughter.
The next morning I awoke to my husband giggling with his iPhone in his hand.... "It's confirmed, Chas, our kids are geniuses. Studies show that kids who eat their boogers are revving up their immune systems" I laughed so hard at the fact that my husband actually took the time to google "health concerns of booger eating" and is reassured that our girls have a strong body and mind credited to the consumption of boogies.
