Breaking ACEs

in ,

I have always loved to research. I could sit in a room and research a topic that I am interested in for hours. I love reading and listening to real life stories. True stories inspire me and, in some way, it helps build a connection that makes me feel like my feelings are validated and I am not alone.

I am grateful today that I continually reach out to educate myself on how to balance life. I’ve seen just about every therapist in town, read every book, listened to podcast, watched documentaries….and talked to the women in my life I respect most. My strategy for balancing has never been perfect, but I am getting better each year. Sometimes we have set backs, I remind myself that God is preparing us for a set up. Things are definitely not like they used to be (back in the day)…..because there is MORE of everything. More working, stress, pressure, expectations, and opportunities - you name it. Finding that balance in life is where my struggle lies today. When I am unable to find balance in my life, I tend to automatically fall back into “default mode”. My default mode is the infamous flight/fright response. Something that is so ingrained in my brain, it feels like it’ll take a freakin act of congress to shift the pull of the genetic curse. I am hardwired and predisposed to A LOT of negative thinking, anxiety, addictions, judgments and shit talking between my ears, unfortunately. Fortunately, I have educated myself and continue to so. I have learned the tools I need to bypass dysfunction or negative thinking when I see it pop up.

Recently, my husband and I have focused on balancing our personal lives with our work/social lives. We are at it hardcore this year...since my NY resolution was to prioritize everything in my life; we are focusing on balancing our family life with our work/social life. Some years we kill it in this area, and other years - it almost kills us. We have planned a new strategy (this happens often) ...so I will keep you updated on this strategy. In order to break genetic curses (anxiety, depression, over working,over eating, alcoholism) we have had to “crawl” before we “walk”. Our new plan is written something like this….

1.      Eliminate ALL invaders. Invaders can be anyone or anything that is pulling us away from our goal instead of pushing us towards it.

2.      Stay positive. When life sucks, our attitude doesn’t have to.

3.      Teamwork. If you fall, I’ve got your back. If I fall you have my back….if we are insync….we kill it together. We used to get caught up in the “this is your job and this is my job”...that’s not how we base our marriage today. We are a team, not two individuals.

4.      Pray. Every single day….before our feet touch the floor.

5.      Stay connected. Connected emotionally, mentally and physically and spiritually to the people we love most, the needs of each other, our children, and God.

6.      Laugh. People who take themselves too seriously lack life….in my opinion.

7.      If things get heated….PAUSE! Breathe! And reassess.

We post notes, write on our chalk boards and remind each other every morning once we wake up. Things get a bit chaotic on weekday mornings in this house (three girls- go figure) so my husband calls me and our two younger girls for a family prayer on his way to drop off our oldest at school. The thing we have to remember is that flexibility is needed along with acceptance of what cannot be changed. There are things in and around our life that need acceptance - nothing more, nothing less….just accepting what is - just as it is. Easier said than done...right? Recovery has helped me in this area “if we continue to push, we will never feel the pull”. Take it one day at a time, do the next right thing and let that shit go.

I am posting recent research to the ACEs study. I have really enjoyed reading the recent research and studies from Kaiser Permanente and the CDC. It really validates why my mind defaults to “shit talk” at times. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I do.

Via CDC website

www.cdc.gov

Childhood experiences, both positive and negative, have a tremendous impact on future violence victimization and perpetration, and lifelong health and opportunity. As such, early experiences are an important public health issue. Much of the foundational research in this area has been referred to as Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs).

Adverse Childhood Experiences have been linked to

·         risky health behaviors,

·         chronic health conditions,

·         low life potential, and

·         early death.

As the number of ACEs increases, so does the risk for these outcomes.

The wide-ranging health and social consequences of ACEs underscore the importance of preventing them before they happen. CDC promotes lifelong health and well-being through Essentials for Childhood – Assuring safe, stable, nurturing relationships and environments for all children. Essentials for Childhood can have a positive impact on a broad range of health problems and on the development of skills that will help children reach their full potential.

Child maltreatment includes all types of abuse and neglect of a child under the age of 18 by a parent, caregiver, or another person in a custodial role (e.g., clergy, coach, teacher). There are four common types of maltreatment.

·         Physical Abuse

·         Sexual Abuse

·         Emotional Abuse

·         Neglect

CDC’s research and programs work to understand the problem of child abuse and neglect and prevent them before they begin.

 Types of ACEs coping

 Alcohol Abuse

Anda RF, Whitfield CL, Felitti VJ, Chapman D, Edwards VJ, Dube SR, Williamson DF. Adverse childhood experiences, alcoholic parents, and later risk of alcoholism and depression. Psychiatr Serv. 2002;53(8):1001–1009.

Dube SR, Anda RF, Felitti VJ, Croft JB, Edwards VJ, Giles WH. Growing up with parental alcohol abuse: exposure to childhood abuse, neglect and household dysfunction. Child Abuse and Negl. 2001;25(12):1627–1640.

Dube SR, Anda RF, Felitti VJ, Edwards VJ, Croft JB. Adverse Childhood Experiences and personal alcohol abuse as an adult. Addictive Behaviors.2002;27(5):713–725.

Dube SR, Miller JW, Brown DW, Giles WH, Felitti VJ, Dong M, Anda RF. Adverse childhood experiences and the association with ever using alcohol and initiating alcohol use during adolescence. J Adolesc Health. 2006;38(4):444.e1-444.e10.

Strine TW, Dube SR, Edwards VJ, Prehn AW, Rasmussen S, Wagenfeld M, Dhingra S, Croft JB. Associations between adverse childhood experiences, psychological distress, and adult alcohol problems. Am J Health Behav. 2012 Mar; 36(3):408-23.

Drug Abuse

Dube SR, Felitti VJ, Dong M, Chapman DP, Giles WH, Anda RF. Childhood abuse, neglect and household dysfunction and the risk of illicit drug use: The Adverse Childhood Experience Study. Pediatrics. 2003;111(3):564–572.

Obesity

Williamson DF, Thompson, TJ, Anda, RF, Dietz WH, Felitti VJ. Body weight, obesity, and self-reported abuse in childhood. International Journal of Obesity. 2002;26:1075–1082.

Sexual Risk Behavior

Hillis SD, Anda RF, Felitti VJ, Marchbanks PA. Adverse childhood experiences and sexual risk behaviors in women: a retrospective cohort study.Fam Plann Perspect. 2001;33:206–211.

Smoking

Anda RF, Croft JB, Felitti VJ, Nordenberg D, Giles WH, Williamson DF, Giovino GA. Adverse childhood experiences and smoking during adolescence and adulthood. JAMA. 1999;282:1652–1658.

Edwards VJ, Anda RF, Gu D, Dube SR, Felitti VJ. Adverse childhood experiences and smoking persistence in adults with smoking-related symptoms and illness. Perm J. 2007;11:5–7.

Ford ES, Anda RF, Edwards VJ, Perry GS, Zhao G, Tsai J, Li C, Croft JB. Adverse childhood experiences and smoking status in five states. Prev Med.2011;53:188-93.

Strine TW, Edwards VK, Dube SR, Wagenfeld M, Dhingra S, Prehn AW, Rasmussen S, Mcknight-Eily L, Croft JB. The mediating sex-specific effect of psychological distress on the relationship between adverse childhood experiences and current smoking among adults. Subst Abuse Treat Prev Policy. 2012;7:30.

Sending hugs,

Chasity

 

Warrior Wings

in ,

Over the past few months our Instagram account has flooded with responses related to trauma. So we are pulling some of our skeletons out and sharing them with you...

I am a child of domestic violence. Throughout my past I've experienced many triggers and images of the torture I witnessed at a young age. This made it difficult for me connect the pieces so I could make sense of it all. For years I was haunted by this one image of my mother. I've had nightmares about it. Thought about it in random settings. Obsessed about it without completely understanding why it continued to resurface.

When I decided to see a therapist about my drinking, we did a thorough inventory of my past. Things that triggered me to drink, made me sad, or brought on anxiety. I give many thanks to this therapist for helping me take a deeper look into my past, myself, and urged me to journal the triggers so that we could process them during our therapy sessions. I had many pages of the specific image of my mother written out. The image was a very vivid picture of my Mom. She was crying, gasping for air, sitting in the middle of our yard in torn pajamas. She told me and my siblings that she was having an asthma attack so I never questioned it. My therapist and I decided to focus my trauma work around this image.

Weeks of review and dissection led me to a strong feeling of fear, a fright or flight response that told me something was off. I learned at an early age to trust that feeling. It helped me close my eyes and cover my ears when I sensed imminent danger and run for help when shit hit the fan. I began each therapy session focusing on this image and began to pick it apart. I was finally able to understand why this vivid image continued to haunt me. Below is a tidbit from my book surrounding this scenario....

In the middle of the night, I awoke to screams and the sound of glass shattering. I knew the protocol for those nights....it was to keep my ass in bed until Mom broke free from my abusive Dad. I laid in bed waiting for Momma to run out the screen door. The slamming of our screen door was the sign that Mom had escaped from my Dad and made it outside. I quickly jumped out of bed and opened my bedroom door. Dad, on the opposite side in his room obliterated and in blackout mode, cursing and lying on the bed, too drunk and high to move at that point. My brother and I ran through the house screaming for Mom. I grabbed the phone on the way out and ran to Momma while dialing 911. We called EMS so much they knew us by name. As we opened the screen door, I could see Momma. It was the same image that haunted me. She was sitting in the middle of our grassy yard, hand on her chest and a frantic look in her eyes. I jumped down the stairs and walked over to her knelt down to kiss her cheek and rubbed her back whispering "it's going to be okay, Mom". She was panicking and gasping for air. Her hair was a mess while she sat in her torn pajamas in the middle of our yard. Mom had red marks up and down her arms and neck. She gasped for air and whispered “water” in between breaths during her "asthma attack". The cops never did much when they were there. Sometimes Mom would press charges but Dad always manipulated his way out and other times she would give my Dad a pass. 

My entire life I believed Mom was really suffering from asthma (she does have a history of asthma) until I talk through it step by step with my therapist. Those were not asthma attacks. Those were panic attacks from Mom getting abused mentally, physically and emotionally by my Dad. I felt helpless during those nights. I wanted to beat my Dad up, but I was scared shitless of him. There was nothing I could do except comfort my Mom in those horrific moments. We waited for Momma to catch her breath and settled down. Once we knew Dad had passed out for the night and we were safe to go back inside, my siblings and I would wrap blankets around Momma and walk with her into our home. We made Momma sleep in the middle of me and my siblings so we could protect her. We all cuddled up and cried until we fell asleep.

After relaying the actual events surrounding that image to my therapist, my cheeks were soaked with tears. That was the image I unconsciously carried with me whenever I felt helpless. I had pieced together the image that haunted me for years and made me feel like my entire spirit had been sucked out of my body. It was intense, sickening and therapeutic. I was disgusted by the thought of what that man did to Momma, his own children and countless others. But I had solved the piece that needed to heal so I could move forward. I left therapy that day with a sense of pride and accomplishment, thanking God for uncovering a piece of my past that I longed to heal. The vivid image rarely comes through my mind these days but when it does I welcome it, envision that little 7 year old girl helping Momma off the ground and wiping her tears away, looking my Dad in the face and saying

THANK YOU! Thank you, Dad, for making me a strong ass warrior..... I release the image and I let it go.