friendship — Kris's Posts — Butterfly Lives

Who is ready for the kid(s) to go back to school?? Ugh, summer break is such a catch 22. On one hand, you don't have to spend every night arguing about homework or my favorite -- juggling between homework, arguing about homework, practice and somewhere finding time cook & eat dinner. But heaven almighty, not having a schedule during the week for 2+ months - or even better, your kid(s) not having a schedule BUT you still do because you have to go to work still every day - it's enough to make anyone koo-koo.

This summer has been extra interesting now that my son is 16, so his schedule and free time are a little more flexible then in years past. Staying out a little longer at night; roaming a little farther out of the neighborhood boundaries, spreading his wings a little wider. He has been having the time of his life; taking the train to the beach, jumping off bridges and cliffs into the ocean and cruising on his bmx bike anywhere his legs can take him. Living in San Diego, we live in a teenage boy's dream for summer break and it has been a lot of fun watching him just absorb life and summer with every ounce of his being - not care in the world - and that is exactly what I've wanted for him this summer. To live life to the fullest and be in the moment; something I am trying to get back to.

First day back to school -- See how big my smile is??

Aside from being exhausted trying to keep up with my son's schedule this summer, it has also been a challenging few months (well, in all honestly it's been more like a solid challenging year). This New Year, I set out to not make resolutions, but to have a word of the year; something I wanted to live my life around. This year, I chose INTENTION. I wanted to be the driver of my bus and I was bound and determined to drive that bus into my future. Well, I don't know about anyone else but when I throw something out in prayer, or out to the universe, it seems to have a funny way of soaring back at me like a boomerang; knocking me on my ass because I 1. Either didn't think it would be answered or 2. Wasn’t expecting it to be answered in the manner I got it.

Living a life of intention, I knew that it was going to come with some challenges as I had to start getting real with myself and being honest about what I wanted. Somewhere along my journey I lost my sense of joy for life; everything has just felt really heavy. What I didn't fully think about in deciding to be the driver of my bus was that I had to stop being the passenger (aka: the victim) and that there are going to be times I would be driving alone, if that meant letting go of people/things that weren't aligned with what I wanted. So far that has meant leaving my job of 8 years and standing up to challenging people in my life. Most recently, living with intention has also meant that I had to come to terms with my relationship and where we were headed. Thus, our 6.5 years has come to an end. While we love(d) each other dearly, we just weren't traveling on the same path. It sucks, but I know the decision was right for the both of us at this point in our lives. For me, I have to get back to finding joy and lightness in my life. I've got to break this victim cycle that I've been stuck in, if I want to elevate my life to a higher level and if I want to stop surviving and start living.

As I watch my son living out the California Dream right now (while I spend my summer analyzing my life lol), I've reflected a lot on the person I was at his age; how did I feel, what was I doing, what were my thoughts? It really helped to put some things into perspective for me. Life isn't necessarily any harder than it was then (well, maybe a tad but not much) buuuuut, how I've chosen to approach life has drastically changed. At 16, I had already lost both of my parents, moved from California to Nashville back to California, and was living in a very unhappy and unhealthy home with my Aunt and Uncle. In spite of it all, I don't recall a time in my life when I've ever been happier or lived life to its fullest potential. 16 was a happy time for me!

Livin the dream on his 16th birthday!! Nothing but his future ahead of him.

People always ask the question "knowing what you know today, what advice would you give your younger self?" But what if we ask it the other way around? I bet there are a lot of things our younger (16 year old) self could remind and teach us. And right now, I think my 16 year old self can really teach me a few lessons on how to lighten the heck up, especially if I want to start living again.

So here is my advice from my sweet, darling and oh-so wise 16 year old self. :)

Sing to the Cows:

I was one of the youngest of my friends; being an October baby I was usually the youngest in my grade, so this meant everyone turned 16 and started driving long before me. Because of this, my dear friend Julie used to pick me up from school every morning. We would cruise to school in her white pick-up truck; usually one of us dressed in the Dickie's railroad overalls, our hair in a braid and skater shoes. Every morning we'd drive through town with the windows down, blasting Shania Twain - singing our little hearts out to "These Boots are Made for Walking." On our way, there was a part of town that had cows (I know......with the pick-up truck, overalls, Shania Twain and cows, you must be thinking we lived in Oklahoma but no - this was all in So. Cal my friends) and every morning we would honk, wave, sing and wish the cows "good morning," Don't ask me why? It was just our thing and we didn't care! We loved it and I'm going to pretend the cows loved it too!

For the last few weeks as I've been driving to work, I've turned off my talk radio and audio books and I've turned my music up in my car (not quite as loud as it was when I was 16 but close enough to not hear myself actually singing) and I've been singing my little heart out -- really embracing and feeling the music. Music has such a deep connection to our souls and really has a power to change our feelings. It's been so liberating and FUN! Instead of singing to cows, I'm singing to about 100,000 cars on the road as I sit in traffic but it's the same concept (I'm sure some of the people in the cars are looking at me and thinking I probably have lost my marbles but who cares). It's hard to be lost in our thoughts, feelings and feeling sorry for ourselves when we are singing at the top of our lungs. The cows in town have long been gone, as it goes for the people in our lives; people (cows) enter and leave our lives in seasons, but we need to remember to keep singing our hearts out even if no one is around.

Lesson: Sing to the cows and don't worry about whose watching!

Walk like a T-Rex:

I wrote in my last post about going to this training in July called 'Rescue Academy.' The training was focused on how to counsel and help people going through difficult situations in their lives. Before the training started they sent out a survey to get some background information on each of attendees; favorite Starbucks drink, what we did for a living, etc.. One of the questions was about any "hidden talent/skill." I was answering the survey on my phone waiting for something and I answered the hidden talent questions with "don't really have one, but in high school I used to do an impression of a t-Rex" and then hit submit!!!!!!!!! I don't even know why I thought of that (I had completely forgotten about it nor had I even done it in like 10+ years) AND WHY I WOULD PUT THAT DOWN - knowing it was going to now come back to haunt me in some way?!?!

And I was right!! One of the first things we went over in the meeting was going over people's 'hidden talents' and everyone was tasked with finding out who the talents belonged to. I thought to myself "maybe everyone will just forget about it" -- NOPE -- they were on a quest and more than anything they wanted to know who the t-Rex was. I wanted to hide under a rock and never come out. My anxiety was off the charts. I knew I was going to have to do it once they found out but more than knowing I was going to do it in front of 50 strangers, I knew I personally needed to do it if I wanted to start living my life again.

The t-Rex was something that I would freely bust out in high school; I would walk around the grocery store, I did it for an audition or just whenever. I had no hesitation, concern, anxiety or inhibition about when or where I did it. It made me and my friends laugh - and that was enough. The group eventually found out that I was the one behind the t-Rex and I agreed to do it (against every bone in my body but I did it). I thought I was going to die, my heart was beating so fast - but you know what?? I did it, I didn't die, got a standing ovation and was proud of myself. Somehow, in the 10+ years since I last brought out my t-Rex, life got in the way and the lightheartedness of my life was buried underneath a lot of worry, anxiety and responsibility.

Lesson: Find your inner t-Rex and let it out sometimes!

Worship your Friends:

I cannot pry my son away from his friends right now, not even if I tried with the jaws of life. There is nothing on this planet more important than his group of boys (and girls, sigh). But wasn't that the case for most of us? It was for me. I was incredibly fortunate to have some of the most amazing girlfriends growing up; all of whom I still am close with and hold dear to my heart. Not only did we create an eternity of memories in four short years, but my girlfriends were my saving grace from the chaos of my life. Moving from family member to family member's house all throughout high school, my girlfriends remained constant, steady and the true definition love. Dances, boyfriends, football games, parties (slumber and house), trips to the beach or river, whatever - we went through, and to, it together. Every day acting as if we hadn't seen each other for ages; high-pitched voices yelling each other's names, arms in the air running to each other and wrapping each other in a hug.

Life with friends is easy at 16 because everyone is on the same journey, traveling towards adulthood together. We get older and we start traveling different courses; some going off to college, some getting married and having kids, some traveling to new areas, etc. Our lives get busy and full of different priorities making it harder to find time for each other. Since I've moved to San Diego 7 years ago, it's been incredibly difficult to try to stay on the same page with my friends and find that months (if not years in some cases) have gone by without connecting or making time for each other.

However, regardless of how long it’s been since we’ve seen each other, I know that my girlfriends are my ride or die. I told a couple of my closest friends about my relationship ending and in girlfriend fashion they came to my rescue. Chasity, booked a flight to come out for Labor Day weekend – so that I wouldn’t be alone (bless her heart & get ready for picture overload) and my other best friend, Jamie, sent me the sweetest care package in the mail; equipped with chocolate, essential oils, Oprah Magazine, a journal and nail polish.

What a reminder that our friends really are the true treasures in life. They are the people in our lives that we get to choose and pick to be a part of all the ups and downs - and sometimes they are the only constant and steady people throughout life’s twists and turns. Watching my son and his friends this summer sure reminded me of how special friends are (and they sure are a heck of a lot of fun to be with too).

Lesson: Worship your friends; they are the care packages of life!

So what would your 16 year old self tell you today? What pieces of that person have you forgotten along the way?

Life is tricky, messy and sprinkled with beauty. Take time to reflect on your journey, the lessons you've learned along the way and some that you have forgotten along the way as well. As kids, we have an incredible ability to DREAM BIG - LOVE BIG - LIVE BIG but as we strive to 'grow up' we tend to lose some of that magic. Our dreams become buried underneath our responsibilities. Our love becomes protected behind a wall from past hurt and loved lost. Our lives become small from all the fears we hide behind.

God created us each with special talents to share to the world. He designed our stories to help build the strength, skills and fortitude necessary to develop and share those talents with the people around us. We happen to just mess up his work along the way by controlling, hiding and fearing our stories!! Watching my son at this stage in his life and reflecting on who I was at his age has really opened up my heart to remember what life is about. We are meant to love, live and dream and to share all of that with one another so that they can love, live and dream as well.

I hope you find your t-Rex today and let it shine!

<3,

Kristin