courage — Kris's Posts — Butterfly Lives

I'm just going to come right out and say it - my heart and soul has been hurting!! I don't know if the moon and Jupiter are aligned, out of alignment, in lunar cycle or WHAT (or what any of that means), but the last few months I have just felt heavy and this is going to sound weird but I feel as though I can feel the hurt, pain and sadness of Mother Earth.

I'm generally a sensitive person, meaning that I can feel, absorb and emulate the feelings around me; which usually just meant that I had to be careful in what movies I watched. High anxiety movies (horror, thriller, violence) would affect my anxiety - sad/emotional movies would make me cry (I cry at a lot of movies).

But lately, I have felt like I've needed to build a bigger bubble around myself and what I'm exposing myself to on a daily basis. I usually listen to talk radio on my way to/from work but that has become so angry with the divisiveness in politics that I can't listen to it anymore. Social media used to be a place where I would check in on my friends and family, but it has become so mean and vile with what people say to each other; complete strangers saying AWFUL things to one other. It's become so hateful that I have had to really limit how I spend my time on it. People are living their life behind a screen and not realizing that on the other side of the screen are REAL PEOPLE.

I've even had to give up the one thing that used to be my escape; reality television. I will never be afraid to admit that I was a Housewives die-hard (and on occasion still get sucked into an episode with my sister) -- but again, it just got to the point where I felt worse after watching the show, about myself and life in general so I chose to give them up (sorry RHW).

So I've given up radio, reality television and have limited myself on social media. One must be thinking "that's a bit extreme, don't you think?" Maybe? But I had to! I was losing hope in humanity and my soul was seriously drained.

While at first it was a bit of a bore, not having all of the drama in my life and all of my vice's that got me through the day - what happened next has been transformational. So just what happens when you shut the doors to the things in your life bringing you down? You make space for new doors to appear and make room in your mind for clarity to come through. You open yourself up to light, goodness, LOVE and PEACE.

By turning off reality television, I opened myself up to shows that bring love, joy and a smile. Recently, I watched a show called "When Calls the Heart," and as one would suspect with that title, it's a Hallmark original TV series and is every bit as cheesy as one would guess - but it's the GOOD kind of cheesy. It's centered around God, community, love, friendship; on simpler times. I became obsessed with the show (again, not going to deny it). I would find myself watching the episodes and SMILING! Seriously, how many shows out there can you actually say leave you smiling? Don't tell my son that I am posting this, but even he was into the show for about a season and a half. The kid that listens to awful rap music (I mean truly awful- I have either become old or rap music has progressively become worse) & youtubers who have made themselves famous by making diss-tracks about people. There was just something about the show that drew you in. Maybe it's because the theme of community, love and kindness seem so foreign to our everyday lives lately; or maybe it's because that is the root of what we all need and connect to?

This theme of community and love has been coming up a lot since watching the show; maybe I'm just hyper-sensitive to it now (like when you decide you are going to buy a certain type of car and then all of the sudden everywhere you drive, you see that car), or maybe the discussion is just starting to get bigger & people are really taking notice of how far we have moved as a society from these two things?

Just the other week I went to a two day training, called Rescue Academy Live, here in my hometown. The training was about teaching people how to talk, listen and help people who are going through difficult situations. There were about 50 people there from all across the U.S, all coming together because they wanted to learn how to help people who were hurting. The funny thing about it all was everyone came thinking they were going to learn how to help others, but I think everyone got as much out of the training for themselves, as they did for other people.

The training was really centered on LOVE & COMMUNITY being the foundation for everything in life and that only through love, can we transform hurt, shame, and titles. People going through trauma, hardship, depression - they don't need heroes; they just need someone who can show up. Which lately, it seems that with all of the distractions in the world - I think we could all start showing up a little more in our own lives if we want to start seeing transformational change.

One of the most beautiful things that came out of the two days was the love and sense of community that we shared with each other. There was something really special and magical about being vulnerable, raw and authentic with people; people whom less than 24 hours previously you had no idea they even existed. I know more about some of their life stories, struggles, hardship, trials and victories than I do with people who have been in my life for years.

That is what love and community is! It's about being authentic with people, about showing up with your battle scars and all. It's also about appreciating, respecting and loving people through their hardship - so they can come out from under the rock of shame that they feel buried underneath. In church this past week, our pastor talked about how God "uses our mess and turns it into his MESSage." How great and how true is that? How great would it be if we lived in a world where we were able to be vulnerable enough with each other, so that we could use our mess to help other through there's?

When Chasity and I started this blog, our main purpose was centered around this message of love, vulnerability and authenticity. Our goal has been to live in H.O.P.E - honesty, openness, purpose and evolution. I didn't fully understand the extent of it when we laid it all out (just knew that it felt right), but lately I feel like we are really onto something and really hope that this blog does continue to evolve into a place where Chasity and I share our struggles, hardship and victories - so that other people can too. When we stand in our story, we can show up and help other's to stand in theirs.

I feel like my posts have been a little heavy over the course of this year, but you know what? It's really a reflection of how I've been feeling. It is just the season I am in right now and my posts are an honest reflection of my soul.

I encourage everyone to love a little deeper right now; think the world can really use some TLC. Take time to show up in your life, to rid the things that are bringing you down and when your heart calls, listen to it!

Be nice to someone today!! Love someone a little harder, even if you think they don't deserve it. Spread compassion and kindness. PLEASE, my heart and soul beg of it. :)

Going to leave you with a quote from a book I am reading right now as I think she says it best.

"We need smart people with huge hearts and creative minds to manifest all the wealth, resources, and support they need to make their difference in the world. We need people to feel happy and fulfilled and loved so they don't take their shit out on themselves and other people and the planet and our animal friends." - Jen Sincero, Author of You are a Badass

<3,

Kristin

I’d first like to start this post by saying that I send my deepest, most heartfelt THANK YOU to all of the men and women who have fought (and continue to fight) for our freedom. There is no greater example of everyday moments of courage then from the ones who wake up every morning to sacrifice their lives to serve our country (and their families).

“She was powerful, not because she wasn’t scared but because she went on so strongly, despite the fear.” – Atticus

I was recommended an audio book, by a good friend a few weeks ago called “The 5 Second Rule” by Mel Robbins. As I went into my phone and pulled up my ibooks, I was a little hesitant to spend the $17.99 on it because every audio book I have tried before has put me to sleep (literally). There is just something about listening to someone read that makes me drift off into la-la-land and zone out. But I purchased it anyways and started listening to it on my drive to work.

Can I say that it’s been one of the best decisions I’ve made in a long time! Her concept and theory on how to go about life is so incredibly simple; yet life changing! Without going into the whole book and the rule she lays out (because I hope that you go out and listen to it for yourself), I did want to focus on one area that came up in the book; everyday moments of courage.

This concept that our lives are made from just little moments of courage each and every day has been dancing around in my head for weeks; that we alter the path of our future from these little decisions throughout the day.

I don’t know about anyone else, but for so long I felt that in order to achieve great things in my life, I needed to have great courage in order to accomplish it. But that’s never worked, nor is it the case. It was always a lose-lose situation for me because I am not a dreamer, I am not courageous – I am a worrier, I am a lost in the details type of person. So I was constantly disappointed in myself because I didn’t have the great courage to ‘lean in’ and ‘go big.’ It just becomes a vicious cycle of “tomorrow, I’m going to do xyz” and then tomorrow came and I wouldn’t (or couldn’t) do it.

As the words continued to swirl around in my head, I analyzed my life and how I’ve either taken advantage of these everyday moments of courage or how I have pushed these moments under the rug to avoid them.

So what do these moments of courage look like? Well, they differ for everyone but they are the moments when our conscious pokes us and tells us we should do something and we either listen, or we ignore it and keep going about our business. They are the moments to go to the gym even though we are tired. They are the moments to deal with the dishes instead of watching another episode on Netflix. They are the moments when you reach out to someone whom you haven’t spoken to in years. They are the moments when you speak up at work to share your idea or ask for a raise. They are the moments when you stand up for yourself to someone who is a bully. They are the moments when you reach for that drink but put it down. They are the moments when you finally sit down and come up with a plan to pay off your debt.

All of these little decisions, each and every day, help shape and mold us either into the person we were destined to become or then keep us in the shell of the person we are destined to become.

It’s been a challenging couple of months in my house. My son has been a challenge (as teenagers can be) and have really been struggling with having a lack of joy in my days. I’ve noticed it’s been harder and harder getting up in the morning, because honestly – there just wasn’t really anything in my day I was excited about getting up for. I knew I would have to face a challenge around every corner of my day; working through my relationship and where that’s headed, facing a 10 hour workday, dealing with Shane (and the ex), keeping up with the house, etc. My moments of courage really have been just getting up and going into my day one foot at a time; to keep pushing forward and remembering to be grateful that I get to wake up every morning.

Being an introvert, I tend to retreat a lot into my own head and get lost in thought; analyzing the purpose of my life, decisions I’m making, what’s next for me, etc. So as I’ve been listening to Mel Robbins on my way to work and contemplating this idea of everyday moments of courage, it has really helped me break the continual loop of thoughts I’ve been stuck in. You see, I was losing joy in my days because I felt like all of the elements in my life that have been weighing me down, were too big to change; outside of my control to do anything about. However, when you can break down your day, your decisions, and your future into these bite-sized pieces – knowing that you don’t change the world by one courageous act, rather you change the world through 1000’s of small, everyday acts of courage – is really a liberating feeling.

I’ve been really conscious about my days and really plugged into these ‘crossroad’ moments that we face on a daily basis. At first it was just being aware of them, recognizing them as they came up; what my reaction was to them, what was my default decisions were, how I felt after. Eventually, I could see the pattern – see where I’ve either leaned into the courage or where I’ve avoided altogether. If I’m totally honest, most of my decisions/reactions lean towards avoiding. I don’t like conflict but even more than that, everything just seemed too big to deal with or change and what I avoid the most are the areas in my life (and in my relationships) that required me to stand up for myself.

It’s no wonder why my word this year was about being INTENTIONAL and wanting to dictate my journey; I wasn’t in control my destiny when I was allowing everyone in my life to decide how they were going to treat me. Every day, I was giving my power away for the sake of harmony, the sake of peace and the sake of ‘just getting along’ – but all that left me at the end of the day was giving 200% of me to everyone else and getting nothing back in return. The concept of knowing that I give more than I receive isn’t new to me – but the concept that I have the power to take back control of it by little decisions throughout my day (and not having to change everyone or have these gigantic moments of courage to do something about it) is honestly the most freeing feeling in the world. It’s not going to change overnight, but it can change a little each and every day, and that I can do.

When we can start freeing ourselves of the burdens holding us back, through small everyday moments of courage – we can start to have the courage to lean into the life that God created us to live. When we have the courage to tackle the dishes at the end of the day instead of escaping into Netflix (guilty), we can then have the courage to tackle the next thing in our life that we’ve been avoiding; writing that chapter of the book you’ve been thinking about, applying for the job you don’t think you’re qualified for, going on that run you’ve been avoiding, signing up for that class you’ve been wanting to do.

The funny thing about life is that 5, 10, 15 years go by in a blink of an eye and we find ourselves pondering our life and wondering how we got to this point in our life. Where we end up in 5 years from now won’t be dictated by one major decision, but rather 1000’s of little decisions throughout each day. We all have the power to decide what 5 years from now looks like – it’s just a matter of leaning into those everyday moments of courage to decide something different, to take the leap of faith, to follow your instinct when fear is telling you to ignore it.

Where will your decisions take you? What are your everyday moments of courage that will transcend your life? What one small decision can you make right now – that will alter your path to the one God created for you?

I encourage everyone to get the audiobook The 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins. It was one small moment of courage I took to purchase it, that has forever changed my life.

Kristin